As a child I prayed for everything I wanted but without discernment as to what might be good for me or not. When I did pray for others, I prayed for their safety and well being, and I believed God would intervene for good. I often didn't bother to notice whether God answered my prayers. Years passed, and by the time I was a teenager I could only remember the prayers God didn't answer, so I stopped praying. (Perhaps if I'd been raised in a household where my parents had faith and prayed this would have been different, but my church didn't teach anything much about persoal prayer and my parents only sent me and my siblings to church to have a Sunday morning free for themselves.)
When Jesus became real to me in my late twenties, I became more serious about prayer, especially prayer for others. I took workshops on the subject, started a prayer journal in which I noted requests and answers, read books about prayer, and was particularly inspired by the autobiography of George Muller. I collected the promises of God about prayer and studied the prayers of biblical characters. I learned about having a prayer language from my charismatic friends, and mental prayer from my Carmelite friends. I started having a regular time for prayer as well as "sending up" quick little prayers throughout the day. I joined prayer groups and started some myself. All of this was helpful, and I began to grow in faith that prayer makes a difference.
Over more than forty years of praying and seeing many answers to prayer, including answered prayer in my own life as people prayed for me, I've realized that my initial enthusaism for learning about prayer was good, but was based on seeking technique. Knowing what I know know, I would focus on developing my relationship with God. I would seek out an advanced believer to help me discern when the Holy Spirit is prompting me. These prayers lead to good. So often, when not listening to the Holy Spirit, but wanting to "fix things or people," I prayed prayers that most often went unanswered.
Years ago I learned a simple way to get to know God, to begin a dialogue with God: In a daily journal, I began by choosing a feeling or thought that I had. Wrote it down, "God I feel (describe feeling), and I think I feel this way because." (Substitute thought for feel if you prefer.) Then I waited silently to see if I sensed God's presence or response. I made a note of what I experienced. I kept going for days, months, years. I combined this with a daily reading of the scriptures and noted what scripture intrigued me--caught my attention. I dared to believe God was talking to me, and took the scripture personally. I studied what Jesus did and said, and my faith helped me see God mirrored in Jesus. Later on I found a spiritual director to help me understand what invitations God was sending my way, invitations for growth and wholeness.
Gradually I began to know experientially that Jesus' prayer had been answered in my life: "Jesus replied, '... I will only reveal myself to those who love me and obey me. The Father will love them too, and we will come to them and live with them." (John 14:23 LB); "I am not praying for these alone but also for the future believers who will come to me.... My prayer for all of them is that they will be of one heart and mind, just as you and I are, Father--that just as you are in me and I am in you, so they will be in us,and the world will believe you sent me." (John 17:20-21) Gradually I began to realize that the most important thing to know when wondering what to ask God for, is to know God loves you. And, "Help," is always a good prayer.
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